Wait…Some Yoga is Actually Relaxing?

You mean to tell me that some people practice yoga and actually experience relaxation? Normally I would call bullshit, but apparently it’s true. How do I know? I experienced it first hand last week.

Let me preface this post by first saying: Hello all! It’s been a ridiculously long time since I’ve posted. I haven’t done a whole lot of yoga in the last few months…basically I’ve been lazy…and incredibly poor. But I’m back for the time being and am looking to get back into the yoga game.

So about this relaxing yoga. I did hatha yoga for a few months back when I was in college. It mostly entailed a dark room, mood lighting, me nailing wheelbarrow pose, and more than my fair share of naps. That was back in Spring 2010 when I was a young community college student. In June of that year my dad took me to my first Bikram yoga class and I kinda never looked back. When I moved to Davis/Sacramento I continued my Bikram practice and went strong for two years, as you can see in my post history.

In Fall 2012 I did my Bikram 70 day challenge, won a bronze medal for completing my 35 days of yoga and walked away from the experience with a love for yoga, a severe superiority complex, and a brutally injured left knee courtesy of Supta Vajrasana (fixed firm pose).

For two years I hopped off and on the Bikram wagon and continued my practice inconsistently. I was never able to quite get back to the level of intensity that I’d experienced during that first challenge. Several renewed memberships and failed challenges later and I sort of gave up on Bikram for a while. I went back this past April for about a month and it felt good to be in the hot room, but it was clear that my passion had waned. And then I was introduced to Vinyasa.

Several close friends of mine have encouraged me to try Vinyasa since the very first time I complained about Bikram. But I’m a stubborn gal who really digs being in her comfort zone, and so I stuck it out with Bikram and continued to believe that yoga was characterized by high heat and fluorescent lighting. Bro-tip: it’s not.

My friend Rachel recently started going to a new yoga studio just down the street from my house (bonus!) and I thought I’d tag along. I’d been nervous about trying vinyasa for a while since I heard it was heavily focused on cardio and muscle building, and let’s be honest, I’m not the most in shape girl you’ll meet. Sure Bikram is hot, but let me stand still between poses and lay down when I’m tired and I’m good. This flow stuff sounded terrifying.

It was wonderful. I got to the studio, met up with Rachel, utilized the shit out of her free guest pass, and went to lay my mat down in the room. The first thing I noticed? it was dark. And there were no mirrors. I was confused.

“How do I know if I’m doing the pose correctly if it’s dark and there are no mirrors to see myself?” I asked Rachel, jokingly, but also completely serious. Rachel had accompanied me to a few Bikram classes in the past. We’re still friends though.

“You just have to feel it and trust that you’re doing it right. If you don’t think you’re doing it right, adjust yourself. No one will yet at you if you aren’t locking your knee or if you aren’t going as hard as you can. It isn’t that kind of yoga.” I was skeptical. And then class started. There was chanting in Sanskrit, guided meditation, music (!!!), dim lighting, warm air, sweat, helpful teachers, and shaky muscles. There was also a profound sense of relaxation afterwards. Oh, and I was sore for a solid 5 days.

I’ve signed up for a 30 day trial membership that I’m almost certain will turn into an ongoing monthly membership. I won’t be going every single day because frankly, that’s too much damn yoga and as I’ve mentioned before, I tend to struggle with moderation and balance. It’s good to push yourself but not so much that you wear out.

I can’t promise that I’ll write a blog post after every class, but I do enjoy the opportunity for reflection that it provides. And let’s face it, I really enjoy going back through my old posts and laughing at how hilarious and witty I am.

#nomistakes #namaste

Taking Cues From Others

As I sit here after another successful yoga class and sip my glass of wine (because it’s heart healthy, duh) I can’t help but think about the positive effects others have on me.

Today I took my new roommate, Alyssa, with me for her first ever Bikram class. This girl, who stepped foot on California soil for the first time in her life last week and is now living here, got to experience a true California rite of passage. It’s winter here in California, which means today was a beautiful 75 degrees. We had the windows and drapes open, sunshine streaming into the house; I cleaned, she read, Selena studied. We spent the afternoon lounging around the house and she prepped for her first Bikram class. I told her the most important thing she could do was make sure she was hydrated, so she spent most of the day drinking lots of water.

When 4:00 rolled around we headed to the yoga studio- a solid 5 minute drive. Windows rolled down, breeze through our hair, yoga mats in tow- nothing says pure California like a gorgeous afternoon drive to a yoga class.

And let me tell you, this girl rocked it. She sat down a few times, as did I, because that class was hot as hell. I was surprised how hot it was for a Sunday- normally weekend classes are a little cooler since less people take the class and the teachers are less strict about opening the door. But the heat was above average, and I didn’t drink as much water as I should have. Still, the class was a success for her and I as we both stayed in the hot room and persevered through the difficult poses.

As I was laying on my mat throughout class I thought about the inspiration I gain from those around me and how sometimes when I can’t find the motivation in myself, it’s easier to look to those around me for strength. Alyssa did so well for her first class- better that most newbies. We were right by the door and the teacher never opened it- pair that with the high temperature and high humidity, and she did really well for someone who was unfamiliar with the postures. When I felt like quitting all it took was a glance at her to remind myself that if she, as a newbie, could push through, then so could I.

I was also reminded today that if you’re not ready for a challenge, there’s no shame in taking a step back. My dad had intended to run the Napa Valley Marathon this weekend, but due to pain in his hips and feet he decided to withdraw from the race. Normally my dad isn’t one to back down from a race- his mentality is always to just push through the pain. But because he’s running a 50 mile race in a little over a month, and the Boston Marathon a few weeks after that, he decided to take it easy and cancel all of his races between now and then. Sometimes it’s not good for you to push through the pain; sometimes you need to recognize that your body is hurting and the best thing you can do is give it a break. I’ve started Bikram up again but I’m nowhere near where I used to be as far as flexibility and balance goes. And rather than get frustrated with what my body can no longer do, I’ve chosen to simply move within the limits of my body. I can’t pick my foot up in standing head to knee anymore, let alone kick out. But I know I’ll get there when my body is ready. My camel pose is lackluster at best, but I know that soon enough I’ll be rocking it. Sometimes you have to listen to your body and let it dictate the pace at which you move.

I’ve only done 2 classes of yoga this week and already I can feel an improvement in my mind and body. My sleep patterns have started to self-correct and I find my body craving healthier foods. It feels good to be back on track again.

Namaste

No Mistakes

My Mistake Was Forgetting

Contrary to popular belief, I’m far from perfect. And this fact has reared its ugly head the past few weeks. I’ve been grumpy, I’ve been mean, I’ve been, for lack of a better word, a bitch. I’ve snapped at people for no reason, I’ve been surly and angry at people for little things that otherwise wouldn’t bother me, and I’ve been generally unpleasant to be around. Self-examination, self-loathing, guilt, and generally feeling sorry for myself allowed me to reach the conclusion that I just needed to work out. It’s been over a month since I did anything physical, and it was taking its toll on me.

But I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t want to go back to my trainer- he lives too far away and costs me an arm and a leg. I didn’t want to start walking/running again because it’s painful and the psychological fallout is almost unbearable, and I didn’t want to go back to yoga because I’ve been told by a few different people that I need to learn to reach outside of my comfort zone, and yoga is certainly in my comfort zone.

It took an emotionally charged session with my therapist last night to figure out that yoga was exactly where I needed to be. She explained that it wasn’t about the weight necessarily, it was about my mental state. The weight is a byproduct of my mental state, and however true that may be, I know for a fact that a lack of yoga in my life has had an adverse effect on my quality of life. So today I went back to the hot room. And that’s when I realized that I’d made a mistake: I’d forgotten yoga.

I forgot how to hydrate. I forgot how often I pee when I do hydrate. I forgot how to pay attention to what my body needs in terms of nutrition. I forgot what foods I needed to eat today in order to perform well. I forgot how to pack my bag to go to the studio. I forgot that the face wipes I use to clean off my makeup leave a residue that stings when it sweats into my eyes. I forgot that sitting by the door doesn’t necessarily guarantee that you’ll be any cooler- if the instructor doesn’t open the door, you’re just as hot as the guy in the corner. I forgot how to place my weight in my heels, I forgot how to breathe though my nose, how to lift up and bend, how to relax my body when I bend. I forgot the pain in my feet. I forgot how much I sweat and how much water I need. I forgot what it felt like to be completely focused on the situation at hand. I forgot the relaxation and relief I feel when the instructor utters “namaste.” I forgot the sense of accomplishment I feel when I trudge to the car and chug what’s left of my water. I forgot what coconut water tastes like. I forgot what a post-yoga shower feels like. For the first time in a very long time, I actually knew what it was like to be a beginner. The only familiar thing about my class today was the smell and the posture series. I had forgotten the tiny intricacies that are required with yoga. I forgot mindfulness, awareness, breath. I forgot who I was when I did yoga.

I was more at peace when doing yoga. I was less grouchy and more calm. I was less judgmental and more go-with-the-flow. I was more fun, I was more relaxed. I slept better, I ate better, I drank better.

I’m back in the studio for however long I feel is necessary. It took a 4 month hiatus to understand that yoga was missing from my life and that it truly is an integral part of who I am. I’ve been told before that yoga was my comfort zone and that I need to get out of my comfort zone. And I agree with that. But the mistake I’d made in the past was abandoning yoga while searching for whatever it was I was looking for. Yoga is what kept me grounded when I ventured into the worlds of cycling, running, and weight lifting. When I abandoned yoga, things fell apart. I’ve learned now that I can try these new things but that yoga needs to be my anchor.

And yoga needs to be my spiritual anchor without the added pressures of considering it “exercise.” Because it’s not. And because of this, I’ve pledged not to do any challenges during 2014. I know I’ll be tempted in the fall, but it’s the quantification of yoga that ruined it for me in the first place. The spiritual benefits I received from the consistency of practice and the inner challenge was what I needed. Placing a sticker on a chart after every class was counter-productive for me because the emphasis was no longer on the internal motivation of completing the class, but the external motivation of earning that sticker.

I feel like a beginner all over again. I feel like I’m discovering the practice for the first time, and much like a beginner, I don’t know what the practice has in store for me this time around. I’m thinking that a lack of external pressure to “challenge myself” will help me appreciate the nuances of Bikram without the loud “now you get to slap a sticker on your chart!” screaming in my ear. I don’t know what I will do in terms of exercise for the next few months. I don’t have a plan. I’m just going to move with the tide and see where it takes me.

Namaste.

No Mistakes.

 

Tears Were Shed

For the first time in a long time, I cried in the hot room. I didn’t sob, but a few tears eeked their way out of my eyes, not once, not twice, not three time, but FOUR times! That’s right, I cried four times today in yoga: once in the standing series, then three times in the floor series.

I can’t really pinpoint why exactly I was crying, it was just a really tough class, mentally. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy about myself lately- unmotivated to exercise, disheartened by typical weight related thoughts, angry at myself for poor food/drink choices over the last week, and stress related to money. Everything just piled up and when I finally forced myself to go to class (after like a week of not going), everything just came to the front of my mind.

Every pose was a struggle mentally. Physically, I felt good. I was well hydrated and I was sweating normally and naturally. My arches actually felt really good. But I just couldn’t get past that mental block. I was ready to walk right out the door as soon as we started the first set of Half Moon Pose. Everything I did, even if I did it well, I berated myself. Either I didn’t do it as well as I used to, or I hadn’t made any progress since I last came to class. I just didn’t have the mental strength to do well today. That, and all the other stressful things going on lately and I was pretty much my own worst enemy. I even thought during class how I was going to write this post and accurately convey to you the self-loathing I felt.

I also found out tonight that unlike last year’s challenge, this challenge is not tiered. So rather than giving bronze, silver, and gold medals for 30, 45, and 60 days, only those who complete 60 days are considered challenge finishers. Which sucks because I’m on track to only finish 30 classes by the end of the challenge. It’s not 60, but I was looking forward to having something to show for my efforts (although to be fair, my efforts were considerably less than they were last year). I think that was also a contributing factor to my disappointing class.

I’m not sure why I’ve been in a funk the past few days. It’s got a lot to do with general feelings I feel about myself and my body image, but it’s also probably the weather. I really thrive in the cold weather. And I mean THRIVE, in that I’m more creative, introspective, friendly, willing to do more things, etc. when the weather is cold. And even though Halloween is next week, it’s been a solid 82 degrees all week (and will be for the rest of this week and into next week). Sure, it could be worse- it could be 92 or 102, but I would prefer a balmy 52, or if I”m particularly lucky, 42.

My brother also came to visit me this past weekend and we had an absolute blast, but I was pretty bummed out when he left. I’ll be home briefly in a couple weeks (for one night) then won’t be home again until Thanksgiving. I haven’t seen my dad in a month and that starts to mess with me after a while too since we’re pretty close.

I guess everything’s just so damn overwhelming (of course I’m now crying as I write this) and I’m not really sure how to handle it all. I could distract myself with exercise, or friends, or drinking (with friends, not alone), or shopping, but that won’t really solve anything- it will just delay the inevitable examination of my own thoughts and feelings.

Anyway, this pity-party has gone on long enough.

Namaste.

P.S. At least I nailed my back bends and camel today, and I’m improving at standing bow pulling pose, so I guess that’s something.

Advanced Camel? Say whaaaaaaaat!

I finally managed to get back to the hot room, after an entire week off. It was a week filled with rest, relaxation, friend time, and just the tiniest amount of alcohol. And I didn’t miss the hot room once. All in all, I was pretty lazy this last week (with the exception of a 19 mile bike ride on Saturday morning).

It took my friend Rachel, who just signed up for her first month at the studio, to drag my ass back to yoga. Obviously going to yoga alone sucks, and it sucks even more when you’re new to the practice and the studio. I’d been busy every night this week so I couldn’t go with her until this morning. I pulled my ass out of my very warm and cozy bed and boy was it hard. It’s getting chillier out and I’m still sleeping in a tank top with my windows open. It’s about 55 degrees in my room most mornings, making it especially difficult to wake up.

But alas, I had promised Rachel that I’d meet her so I hauled myself out of my bed and filled up my water bottles. I was smart and gathered all my stuff last night so I didn’t have to hunt around this morning. This turned out to work in my favor since I woke up 10 minutes late this morning.

Elle taught class this morning, so it was guaranteed to be a good class. And it was. Because class started so soon after the studio opened, the room wasn’t hot yet when we started. Of course the room gradually warmed up and we began to sweat, but it never felt like the room got hot. My legs barely sweat and my feet didn’t either. Normally my feet have a bit of moisture on them which makes the three poses we do off the mat (like triangle) a bit easier. But today I was pretty dry so I kept slipping around all over the place. I also knew it wasn’t that hot because I never even used my reserve bottle of water, and normally I drink both my frozen bottle and my reserve. And I know I wasn’t particularly well hydrated since I opted for wine last night instead of water. I regret nothing.

So we made it to the floor series and I did pretty well. I tried to do fixed firm pose and my knee is sore today. Not sure if I’ll ever get back to doing that pose. But then, my crowning moment happened. We did camel. We did the first set, and since Kaci taught me how to go back further about two weeks ago, I automatically went into a deeper camel pose than most people. I held it and it felt so good to stretch out after a week of not stretching at all. As we entered into savasana, Elle asked me if I’d ever done the advanced version of camel pose, and I told her I hadn’t. So during the next step, she walked us through camel pose and gave me directions for how to do the advanced version, which looks like this: 

I did the full advanced pose on my first try and it felt simply amazing! I could seriously chill out in that pose for hours. It was so nice to actually move to another stage of a pose, especially ones that I feel I’m pretty good at (like half moon and camel). I could hear people around me literally gasping, and I was slightly embarrassed, but I still felt like a freaking rock star! Can I please brag for a second and just highlight the fact that not only have I never seen anyone asked to demonstrate a posture as much as I have, but I’ve also never seen anyone called out in the middle of the class and told to do an advanced version of a posture. Feels good to be good at something 🙂

It was a bizarre class overall too because I was surprisingly limber for so early in the morning. I did half moon and my back bends and hardly felt any strain on my back, which is common for me after just waking up. And my arches didn’t hurt at all. That’s not entirely true- they felt so good through 90% of the standing series, but after triangle they were really killing me so I sat down. Then I got back up for tree pose and they felt fine. All in all, my body has managed to retain a lot of the strength it earned last week, despite my having taken a week off.

I think I’ll rest up tonight (after I go out for a friend’s birthday of course) and go to  the 5:45 tomorrow morning. My brother is coming to visit me for the weekend so I want to get some yoga in before he’s here. The studio is also doing a three set class on Saturday from 9-11 and I’m thinking I might want to attend. Challengers earn two stickers, which is nice, but I don’t know if I want to pay the $20 for the class just for an extra sticker that I could earn at class on Sunday. So we’ll see!

Namaste

No Mistakes!

A Successful Double. The First of Many!

I completed another double today! Woke up at 5:20 and rocked the 5:45 this morning, then I handled the 8:15 tonight! I even managed to bring my friend Rachel to class with me. Homegirl kicked so much ass in your first class ever! Her strength and balance was so good; she kicked my ass so hard lol. After class she told me that she loved it but thought she was gonna throw up because she didn’t follow my advice and ate 3 taquitos before class. I told her the Taco Bell story from last year’s challenge. Mexican food and BIkram just don’t mix.

Anyway Rachel said she wants to come back again and I’m super excited for her to do another class. I love introducing people to Bikram. Some people like it, others, not so much, and that’s alright. Bikram isn’t for everybody, just like running, cycling, swimming, or tennis isn’t for everybody. But it’s a good feeling when you can bring a friend to yoga and you can see how much they like it during the first class and you can just tell that it’s going to be a positive thing in their life.

Short post today because I’m sleepy (although I did manage to get in a solid 40 minute nap after work) and I have to get up at 5:20 again tomorrow for class with Elle!

Namaste

Early Mornings Suck

It’s true, they do. I went to the morning class before work today. I love that they changed the start time from 6:00am to 5:45am- let’s me get home and get ready for work and still be on time

This morning’s class was pretty cool, surprisingly so in fact. Maybe that’s one of the perks of getting up at 5:20am? Cooler classes. I was pretty stiff this morning, but that’s to be expected- morning classes are always hard when you’re used to going a certain distance in poses that require flexibility.

I got to break in my new mat this morning, which allowed me to see that the mat is more coral than it is pink. It also had that new mat smell; it smelled like a new pair of swimming goggles. A weird association, I know, but that’s all I can really compare it to. 

Overall it was a great class. My strength is improving and I’m able to stay in poses longer and without falling out as frequently. And even though it was early in the morning, I feel like I got a hard workout without exerting myself too much. Kind of a weird feeling.

I feel like a zombie writing this post though, which explains the crappy writing. I’ve been up for 4 hours, and I am not a morning person by any means. I brought extra tea to work to stay awake. I’ll be at tonight’s 8:15 class too, so wish me luck on my doubles today.

Namaste.

Lucky Number Seven!

Holy shit what an amazing class this evening! Best class I’ve had in a week (which maybe isn’t that great since my classes have been shitty all week). I had so much energy during class today and felt so good during the entire class.

Bryan was the teacher today, and while I’d only had him for one other class in the past and didn’t like his teaching style, it was exactly what I needed today. There was no touchy-feely bullshit in class, not a single philosophical word was uttered- it was strictly yoga. Bryan belted out the dialogue with out deviating from the script, and it was exactly what I needed. I needed to focus on the words, on the poses, and learn to get my head back into the practice. Every other class this week has been with Julie or Stacey, who sometimes let their dialogue wander. Plus their voices don’t have that drill instructor’s cadence that Bryan’s does.

I’m pretty sure my success in class today was due to my diligent hydrating throughout the day. I had 90 ounces of water, an 11 ounce coconut water and a few cups of tea throughout the day. Needless to say, I had enough liquid in my body to last me a lifetime. I still drank a bottle and a half of water throughout the class, but didn’t guzzle it like I had in the past. In the last few classes I noticed that I came to rely on my water so much as a way to interrupt myself during the postures. I would tell myself “only a few more seconds then you can have water, then you can sit out the next pose if you want to.” It started to be a crutch rather than a helpful aid.

I also didn’t sit out any poses today (except fixed firm). Yes, I had to sit down half of balancing stick and half of whatever pose comes after it because of my arches, but I still felt good throughout the standing series. Standing head to knee is looking better and better each day, and I managed to stay in bow pulling pose longer than I had in a long time while focusing my weight in the center of my feet, rather than letting my weight fall to the outside of my feet. I even went into bow pulling pose on the floor today which I’d been avoiding because it requires me to pull on my knees. I did pretty well in it. I avoided fixed firm again and will probably keep sitting it out for a few more days in order to let my knee heal up. I’ve also lost some of the depth in camel, but that’s to be expected since I took some time off from it this week.

A week ago I told myself that I would go to 7 consecutive days of yoga and as a reward to myself I would buy a cute hot pink tank top with the studio logo emblazoned on it. Well I went to buy one today, and let’s just say they were sized for girls who do yoga more often than I do. While slightly disappointing, the material was pretty thin and the quality looked a little cheap, so I wasn’t too devastated. Instead, I bought a second Breathe mat. It was a hefty $54 but totally worth it since I’ve got multiple days of doubles staring at me. I’m so stoked to have a second mat- it’s going to be so helpful as I try and get to 60 classes! Oh, did I mention it’s hot pink? 🙂 I’m going to look like a bottle of Pepto Bismol when I wear my pink tights and pink t-shirt tomorrow morning.

Namaste.

Paying for my Procrastination

So tonight is my 7th consecutive class and I’m looking forward to finishing up my mini-challenge to earn that cute tank top from the studio. I was really looking forward to taking tomorrow off and letting my body (and mind) have a rest. I think after last night’s rant/semi-meltdown, it’s pretty obvious that I need a break.

But then I sat down with a calendar and figured out how many days I still need to do in order to finish all 60 days of my challenge. I’m 11 days behind on my challenge. This is what the month of October looks like for me in order to catch up and finish all 60 days on time:

Look at that nonsense and tell me my life doesn’t suck! It’s a good thing I bought a second water bottle this weekend! I may even have to start using my rubber mat and towels, or suck it up and pay the $50 for a second mat (which I’m thinking of doing actually). And maybe I’ll chop off all my hair and quit wearing makeup too so I can make the whole showering and getting dressed thing easier in the mornings.

I’m pretty determined to at least catch up to where I need to be, but whether or not I actually finish all 60 days is a horse of a different color. Please wish me all the luck in the world. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to this Saturday so I can get a damn day off! And then I’ll have a solid month of zero days off. I guess this is where the whole “one day at a time” thing takes over and I put all my faith in a higher power.

No Mistakes.

P.S. I read an article the other day (or maybe it was a blog on here?) where the author once asked an Olympic trainer what the secret to success and finishing your goals is. The trainer said the normal things you’d expect: dedication, discipline, genetic jackpot, etc. But he also said that the most successful people were the ones who figured out how to deal with the monotony of training. Not every yoga class is going to be stellar; I’m not going to nail every back bend, some of the classes are going to be hotter than others. Finishing my challenge on time is going to require my getting used to these facts. Ya, it’s going to suck getting up at 5:30 every morning to go to class, but that’s just part of the shitty, boring, monotonous process on the way to success.

“Exhausted” Doesn’t Even Begin to Cover it.

I thought weekends were about rest and relaxation? If that’s the case, then can someone please explain to me why the hell I’m more exhausted tonight than I am on a Friday after a week of work? I’m pooped, and like the title of tonight’s post says, “exhausted” doesn’t even begin to cover it. Allow me to recreate my weekend for you:

Yesterday:

Woke up at 7:30 and went to class at 8:00. Took it easy again. I showered up afterwards and took a solid 3 hour nap. I woke up around 2, ran to Old Navy to pick up a few fall clothing items. Then I headed to Davis to hang out with a few friends/old college roommate and celebrate a friend’s belated birthday. It was a good time but I didn’t get back to Sacramento until 1am. I’d stopped drinking around 9 so the fun had definitely worn off by 10, but alas, the person I got a ride from wasn’t ready to leave until 12:30. I didn’t get to bed until 1:30.

Today:

Talk about an ass kicking. I was going to try and get in a double today, but then I decided sleeping in was more important (because duh). I woke up around 9:30, got up, got dressed, got Starbucks, ended up running into a friend of mine. He and I chit-chatted for a bit then I went on my merry way to run my errands. I spent a solid 2 hours at Target, the Dollar Tree, BevMo, and a local wine store, TotalWines. I spent a bunch of cash but it was all on necessities. Yes, even the wine was necessary because I’m hosting this month’s wine club and I had to purchase bottles. I got home, put everything away, did 3 loads of laundry, scrubbed the bathroom from floor to ceiling, dusted and swept the house, did the dishes and put them away. And juuuust when I was ready to take a nap, it was time to go to yoga. I wasn’t gonna go actually, but a phone call from my dad and a gentle kick in the ass from him was pretty much all it took for me to get my ass out the door.

Today’s class was hard. So hard. Julie taught. I used to like Julie, but now I kinda view her as a posture Nazi- she spends so much time calling people out on their form, which I guess is good, but it kinda irritates me when we’re all stuck in the pose while people are trying to figure it out. Anyway, Julie didn’t open the door at all today and I reeeeeally felt it. Today’s class was super hot, although I’m pretty sure it was because I hadn’t hydrated. I mean, when the hell would I have found time between errands, laundry, scrubbing, dusting and sweeping? I sat out a lot of postures, which made me feel like shit, but is worth it in order to get my knee back in shape. Speaking of which, my knee is feeling a lot better and the active rest days have definitely helped. Still, I’m avoiding poses that require me to put much pressure on my knees, mainly bow pose, fixed firm, camel, and rabbit.

If I’m being completely honest, I am not loving yoga right now. It’s hurt my knee, every class feels hotter than the last, I don’t feel calmer or better rested; in fact, I feel pretty frustrated with the entire ordeal. I’m not sure if I’m trying too hard or not trying hard enough. I keep thinking back to last year’s challenge and how far I came and I keep comparing myself to how I used to be. To be fair, I took two weeks off and am just now coming back to my practice so my body is probably just getting used to things again. I’m not hydrating as much as I need to be which is making things more difficult, and whenever it’s time to go to class, I find myself dreading it because of all the challenges. I know I just need to relax and calm myself down and quit worrying about where I was and where I want to be, and just focus on where I’m at now, but it’s proving difficult, and that’s making me really frustrated.

Speaking of frustrated: I’m trying to cook soup right now and I forgot a damn ingredient. Now I have to go back to the store to get crushed tomatoes (after having gone to the store already after class). And of course when I went to go to my car, I found that my neighbors truck was blocking my driveway. For real, guys? I just want a bowl of soup and to go to bed. Is that so much to ask?!

This post doesn’t get a ‘namaste’.

Edit:

After this post was first published, I went to the store, got my crushed tomatoes, and now I’m better,  but still pretty annoyed. One accomplishment to be celebrated though: this is the most amount of consecutive days of yoga I’ve ever done. Most I’ve done in a row was 4, and today I completed my 6th consecutive class. Perhaps that’s why I’m so tired and slightly over yoga right now? I think I need a day off (after Tuesday of course) or to switch things up. Maybe I’ll go for a run tomorrow morning before work.

Also, I do have have to say that despite all my complaining, I’m very fortunate to have such an amazing support network. Yesterday Tish sent me a text message telling me to stay strong last night (she knows I’ve been trying to cut back on my alcohol intake, and I managed to have a few drinks last night without overindulging). Then yesterday I was talking to my pops about his marathon, which he finished in 3:47! That’s only 7 minutes off from the time he needed to qualify for Boston (it’s cool though- he’s already qualified and going). When I told him that I was proud of him, he told me that he was equally proud of me for all my accomplishments. AND! I just got a heartwarming Snapchat from my best friend in Fresno who I haven’t seen in a while but who I’m going to get to see this weekend when I go home to visit. It’s hard to complain when you’ve got such awesome friends and family!

Namaste

😛