Just Not Feelin’ It

You know how they say you never regret a workout? I guess that’s technically true when all is said and done, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t have a few workouts in my book that I regretted while in the middle of it.

Last night’s yoga class was a huge struggle. I got home from work and immediately put on my yoga gear because the shame you feel when you skip your workout and have to take off your workout clothes at bedtime is almost unbearable. I made a quick dinner and sat down to watch a bit of Netflix before my 7:15 class. And that’s where I got into trouble.

Netflix was on, my house was freezing, I wasn’t wearing socks, and something in that animal part of my brain was screaming at me “You’re cold! And there’s a bed with an electric blanket right in front of you! What are you doing!?” Folks, I was THIS close to getting into bed to “rest a little” before class. I didn’t though.

At 6:45 I dragged (literally, dragged) my ass out the door and drove to yoga. I was tired, it was cold, and the only thing I was looking forward to was being in a warm room that I didn’t have to pay to heat.

I got to the studio and waited for class to start. I laid out my mat and rested in savasana, already feeling drained from the class ahead. It was a basics class, so the poses weren’t terribly hard, but they hold them for longer, which, for someone with shitty arches, is actually pretty excruciating.

I fell out of poses easier, the flow itself was hard, my body felt heavy and cumbersome and I had difficulty even performing downdog. I sat out sequences more than normal, and to be completely honest, I just didn’t care.

When we reached the floor series, I was wiped (and not at all deserving of that level of tired). We did a few floor stretches, and when the class reached pigeon pose, I noped right out of there and went straight into savasana. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep because I woke myself up a couple times with soft snores.

I dragged myself home after class, showered, made my lunch for today, then got into bed and proceeded to Netflix for a couple more hours before finally going to bed at midnight (way too late).

All in all, it was just a crappy class, and I actually do regret going and not giving myself the rest that my body was obviously begging for. But I suppose perseverance and sitting with the feeling of uncomfortability is equally important as the days where you nail the poses and know you’re the baddest bitch around.

Namaste.

Balance and Happiness- 2016 Defined

As alluded to in my last post, I’ve spent the last couple weeks really concentrating on what I want to get out of 2016 and what areas of my life I want to improve on. And during my introspection I continuously stumbled upon two words: Balance and Happiness. These two words really resonate with me so it’s no surprise that they’re at the heart of what I want to focus on this year.

First off, full disclosure: I’m writing this post at 7:40 pm on New Years Eve and I’ve had 2 glasses of wine (that’s maybe not a lot for some of you, but I haven’t eaten a lot of carbs in the last few days so I’m feeling pretty good right now. Hey, if Hemingway can do it, why can’t I?). My roommates and friends were here a while ago, hanging out and drinking and preparing for the festivities. I’ll join up with them later but I wanted to continue my tradition of taking New Years Eve and spending it with myself doing something I enjoy. Last year it was movies and popcorn alone on my couch until it struck midnight, at which point I decided to do an impromptu “Let it Go” ballet performance in my kitchen. My friends weren’t happy that I chose not to go out to party with them that night, but I’ve gotten pretty good at saying no when I just don’t want to do something.

Tonight I chose to cook a delicious meal for myself and splurge on a good bottle of wine. New York steak, Gorgonzola cheese sauce, wild mushrooms sauteed in caramelized onions and garlic, and asparagus cooked in — wait for it — olive oil AND butter. And a delicious bottle of Cab Sauv straight from the Napa Valley. Friends are gone, a delicious meal made entirely by yours truly, a tasty bottle of wine that I don’t have to share, and Van Morrison playing on iTunes; I can say without a doubt: I am extremely happy on this New Years Eve.

I’m describing my New Years Eve to you because it applies to the notion of Happiness that I want to focus on this year. When I first started this blog it was for a class project in which I actively tried to recognize the moments I felt happy each week and record them on my blog in order to understand that happiness occurs every day, and is not just a destination to be reached. I didn’t know it back then, but what I was doing was practicing mindfulness. And so I want to spend this year focusing on mindfulness and living in the present. It’s easy for me to focus on the past or the future. I’m a worrier, I’m a lingerer; I ruminate on the past and look anxiously towards the future. But understanding that happiness won’t be achieved on some arbitrary future date, but is happening right now all around me, is an important thing for me to remember. I haven’t yet figured out how I’m going to carry out this mindfulness, whether it’s a gratitude journal, or just being more active on this blog, but I’m certain that it will be a part of my focus in 2016.

The next concept I intend to focus on in 2016 is Balance. Balance is hard, we all know this. While I was driving back to Sacramento from my Christmas festivities in Fresno, the perfect metaphor hit me (though I don’t know if it counts as a metaphor- it’s pretty literal). I thought about the pain I feel while standing in a balancing pose in yoga. My feet ache, my brow drips with sweat, my muscles scream as I push them to their limit. And the more I focus and push myself, the more I’m able to balance. The second my mind wanders, I falter and eat shit on my mat. And this is balance applied to everyday life.

I think about the things in my life I want to bring greater balance to- diet, exercise, social interaction, work ethic, finances, etc. Some days I’m incredibly strict with myself and eat healthy, get a solid workout in, spend time with friends, accomplish a lot at work, and spend little to no money on necessities and not wants. Other days I “make it rain,” as the kids say. I’m basically Oprah Winfrey during the holiday season- “You get a car! And YOU get a car! EVERYONE GETS A CAR!” I spend recklessly, eat like shit, drink a lot of alcohol, spend too much time around other people (without giving myself the solitude I need), and slack at work. Which of course leads to the self-loathing one always feels after indulging more than they should.

And so this year I intend to remain aware of balance and the role it plays in my life. I am on a strict budget this year (because of 2015’s indulgences), I am on a very specific diet (because of indulgences for the last 15 years), and I’m not yet on a strict workout regimen, but intend to incorporate more movement into my life (and not just yoga [again, because of the last 15 years’ worth of indulgences]). Will my metaphorical arches hurt, and will my brow drip with sweat when I force myself to adhere to goals I’ve set for myself? Sure they will. Will I fall out of balance when things become too difficult? Of course I will- I’m human. Will I take a swig of water, wipe my brow and join the rest of the class for the last 5 seconds of the pose, even though I’m hurting and want to give up? Absolutely.

It’s going to be hard, but then again, I’m pretty tough. 2016 doesn’t know what’s coming for it!

Actually, it does- it’s called a hangover.

Happy New Year!

Namaste.

No Mistakes.

 

Wait…Some Yoga is Actually Relaxing?

You mean to tell me that some people practice yoga and actually experience relaxation? Normally I would call bullshit, but apparently it’s true. How do I know? I experienced it first hand last week.

Let me preface this post by first saying: Hello all! It’s been a ridiculously long time since I’ve posted. I haven’t done a whole lot of yoga in the last few months…basically I’ve been lazy…and incredibly poor. But I’m back for the time being and am looking to get back into the yoga game.

So about this relaxing yoga. I did hatha yoga for a few months back when I was in college. It mostly entailed a dark room, mood lighting, me nailing wheelbarrow pose, and more than my fair share of naps. That was back in Spring 2010 when I was a young community college student. In June of that year my dad took me to my first Bikram yoga class and I kinda never looked back. When I moved to Davis/Sacramento I continued my Bikram practice and went strong for two years, as you can see in my post history.

In Fall 2012 I did my Bikram 70 day challenge, won a bronze medal for completing my 35 days of yoga and walked away from the experience with a love for yoga, a severe superiority complex, and a brutally injured left knee courtesy of Supta Vajrasana (fixed firm pose).

For two years I hopped off and on the Bikram wagon and continued my practice inconsistently. I was never able to quite get back to the level of intensity that I’d experienced during that first challenge. Several renewed memberships and failed challenges later and I sort of gave up on Bikram for a while. I went back this past April for about a month and it felt good to be in the hot room, but it was clear that my passion had waned. And then I was introduced to Vinyasa.

Several close friends of mine have encouraged me to try Vinyasa since the very first time I complained about Bikram. But I’m a stubborn gal who really digs being in her comfort zone, and so I stuck it out with Bikram and continued to believe that yoga was characterized by high heat and fluorescent lighting. Bro-tip: it’s not.

My friend Rachel recently started going to a new yoga studio just down the street from my house (bonus!) and I thought I’d tag along. I’d been nervous about trying vinyasa for a while since I heard it was heavily focused on cardio and muscle building, and let’s be honest, I’m not the most in shape girl you’ll meet. Sure Bikram is hot, but let me stand still between poses and lay down when I’m tired and I’m good. This flow stuff sounded terrifying.

It was wonderful. I got to the studio, met up with Rachel, utilized the shit out of her free guest pass, and went to lay my mat down in the room. The first thing I noticed? it was dark. And there were no mirrors. I was confused.

“How do I know if I’m doing the pose correctly if it’s dark and there are no mirrors to see myself?” I asked Rachel, jokingly, but also completely serious. Rachel had accompanied me to a few Bikram classes in the past. We’re still friends though.

“You just have to feel it and trust that you’re doing it right. If you don’t think you’re doing it right, adjust yourself. No one will yet at you if you aren’t locking your knee or if you aren’t going as hard as you can. It isn’t that kind of yoga.” I was skeptical. And then class started. There was chanting in Sanskrit, guided meditation, music (!!!), dim lighting, warm air, sweat, helpful teachers, and shaky muscles. There was also a profound sense of relaxation afterwards. Oh, and I was sore for a solid 5 days.

I’ve signed up for a 30 day trial membership that I’m almost certain will turn into an ongoing monthly membership. I won’t be going every single day because frankly, that’s too much damn yoga and as I’ve mentioned before, I tend to struggle with moderation and balance. It’s good to push yourself but not so much that you wear out.

I can’t promise that I’ll write a blog post after every class, but I do enjoy the opportunity for reflection that it provides. And let’s face it, I really enjoy going back through my old posts and laughing at how hilarious and witty I am.

#nomistakes #namaste