Who Are You? Who, Who? Who, Who?

(Today’s title brought to you by The Who)

Today was another two-a-day and it was a hell of a day. Woke up at 7:45 because Tish and I were running at 8:30. It was incredibly hard to get out of bed today too, because apparently my apartment is incredibly drafty (it’s my first winter in this apartment) and I was nice and snuggly and warm under my blankies and down comforter. But I really wanted to run today so I dragged my ass out of bed and got dressed in my running gear.

Sadly Tish was late so we didn’t get started until 9:15. We did 2.25 miles at McKinley Park which was lovely! I’d only been to McKinley Park once over the summer and I wasn’t too impressed. The grass was dead, it was hot, the trails were all over the place and it was crowded. But today was completely different! The place was empty since it was 9 am on a work day, and the trees were all dropping their yellow, red, and orange leaves and it rained last night so the air was crisp and cold and it was overcast and it was the perfect weather for a run! Again, we did 20/40 intervals (20 second jogs with 40 second walks. Simple because we’re just starting out) and it went really well. My quads weren’t sore at all (during or after) and my shins hurt significantly less than they did two days ago which I’m grateful for. They did hurt a bit, but not nearly as bad as when I was with Brad. After the run we did a few lunges and squats but I didn’t push myself too hard on those because I was going to yoga later.

A couple reflections about today include the fact that Tish has longer legs than me so she was always about 2-3 steps ahead of me, and that kinda tripped me up for a while. I was moving too fast to stay up with her and I realized I was going her pace and not mine, so I had to kinda reign it in and live with the fact that she was a few paces ahead of me. Also running with Tish was fun because we chatted a lot more. Brad is more of a silent runner so we didn’t do too much chatting. Plus they say you should be able to have a conversation while running so it was good to know that I’m capable of doing that.

Overall the run was excellent, probably my best so far. The weather really contributed to my performance because I thrive in cold weather. Still, I managed to work up a good sweat so that was good. Also I’ve noticed significant improvement since just this Sunday. My quads weren’t sore at all and they feel fine now. Jogging up and down the stairs isn’t painful anymore and that’s something I’m pretty damn grateful for.

After the run I went home, made some breakfast and tried to hydrate before yoga at 12:00. I was pretty comfy on the couch and almost didn’t go, but I’m a day behind for this week so I knew I needed to go. So I got there and found out Elle was teaching the class! Like I said, she’s my favorite instructor. When we started class she greeted everyone by name and said to me ‘Kelsy! It’s good to see you, haven’t seen you in a while!” That’s one of the things I love about yoga- it’s a community and the instructors truly care about your well-being and your practice.

I got to yoga, signed in, changed my clothes, put my 21st sticker up (only 14 more to go!) and walked into the room. And GOOD LORD! It was hotter than Satan’s asshole in there (Sorry that’s so crude- it’s seriously the most appropriate analogy I could think of). Even the girls in the room already were commenting on how damn hot it was. It was sure as shit not 105 degrees in there, try 110. As soon as I stepped into that room I knew it was going to be a hard class.

And it was. I managed to fall during 2 out of 4 of the back bends because I was pushing back so far and I just lost my balance. I rocked Camel Pose though and once again Elle told me that I had a “very lovely spine,” which is pretty much why she’s my favorite teacher. I had to sit down a few times because it was so god damn hot in there. I wasn’t the only one either. Most of the people in the 12:00 class were regulars and a few of them were sitting down too so I didn’t feel too bad. Also I ran out of water by tortoise pose which sucked. Luckily though it was so hot in the room that it melted the ice in my bottle so I had a few drops left in the breathing pose.

As far as aches and pains go, my arches are still pretty crappy, but I wasn’t too worried about those because my hips were killing me! During Awkward Pose (the one where you do 3 different types of squats) my hips were just aching, which I chalk up to the run this morning. I only hope that hip problems don’t become another pain to add to my list.

One other thing I love about Elle’s classes is the fact that she somehow manages to spark some kind of philosophical thought within me. For example, today she explained that when the instructors say “change” between postures, they don’t just mean to change postures, they also mean that each individual pose changes you at the cellular level such that you are not the same person you were when you entered the room and will not be the same person when you leave the room. And that really made me wonder how one can really know who they are. What defines us? Is it our cellular and molecular makeup? Is it our memories? Is it what we do? Is it what we say? What defines who you are and at what point do you become it?

The age old question of what makes you who you are has long been debated in philosophy and no answer has ever been truly accepted by everyone. Socrates, Aristotle, Descartes, and Freud all offered explanations for what defines a person. Some believe that who you are is defined by your memories, others believe it is whatever you decide, and still others believe that you never truly know who you are. Personally I believe you are whoever you say you are so long as your actions reflect that proclamation. For example, I would call myself a yogi because I practice yoga. I would call myself a runner because I run (albeit for a very short period of time). I would call myself a philosopher because I constantly question things around me. I would call myself a friend, a sister, a daughter, a cyclist, a Giants fan, a chef, an adult and a child because the actions that I take affirm those identities. So while yoga may change your cellular makeup, I would disagree that it changes who you are because who you are is constantly changing, and who you are is whoever you decide to be. My cellular and molecular makeup does not dictate who I am, I do.

No Mistakes.

Two-A-Day? No Way!

Today was my first two-a-day and I’m beat. Seriously, I took a two hour nap this afternoon and am still ready to pass out right now.

I woke up this morning (and by woke up I mean my dad had to practically drag my ass out of bed) and went for a lovely walk/run with my dad. It rained in Fresno yesterday (and most of California) which made for an incredibly cold morning. It was about 50 degrees when we were at the park this morning (50 degrees is cold for us Californians) and it was so foggy and pretty in the park. Also, because the rain washed away most of the nasty smog, the air was clean and crisp and easy to breathe, making the run slightly easier. I told my dad it reminded me of Thanksgiving morning, and that made me really happy because I freaking love Autumn and the holidays. Seriously, I was tempted to listen to Christmas Carols this evening.

So the walk/run went well overall. My thighs have been so sore all week, and today was no exception. My thighs didn’t hurt so much during the run, but afterwards was pretty painful. Sitting down, standing up, even walking hurts. Did I mention that I live in a two-story townhouse in Sacramento? I’m pretty forgetful so I leave things all over the apartment and have been trudging up those damn stairs all day long. Dear god it hurts so damn bad when I walk down the stairs, but in a good way. While my thighs didn’t hurt during the run, my shins definitely did; so much so that I was pretty close to calling it quits in the middle of the run and hobbling back to the car. I stuck it out though, and it was worth it. The highlight of the day was when Brad and I were jogging along the trail and two girls ran up behind us and told me good job. I would have said thanks but I was too busy panting so I just waved instead. That’s something I’ve always enjoyed about the running community, and any sports community in general. People are usually willing to offer a word of encouragement when you need it (and even when you don’t need it) because they’ve all struggled in one way or another.

So after our walk/run Brad and I headed home, I showered, he made me a latte, I packed up all my stuff and I headed back to Sacramento. I was planning on going to the 4:30 yoga today in order to give myself time to hydrate, but I got a text along the way from my co-worker asking me if I wanted to phone bank tonight. The answer was no, but I needed to phone bank (volunteering for political campaigns is just another facet of working in politics). The decision to phone bank pretty much dashed my hopes of doing the 4:30 or 6:30 yoga tonight, and I was kinda bummed because starting my 4 days on Wednesday would be painful and busy.

Luckily though I have a lead foot and managed to make it from Fresno to Sacramento in 2.5 hours (it usually takes closer to 3) and pulled into town at 11:30. Rather than stopping by my apartment first, I headed straight to yoga and managed to make the 12:00 session! I was pretty stoked to make it on time, especially since I wouldn’t have to miss yoga today!

Guillermo was the day’s instructor and it was a pretty good session. Because I was early I was able to nab a spot by the door. Oh. My. God! What a difference it makes when you’re by the door and the instructor opens the door. It’s like a cold front moving down from the Arctic when they open that door. The cool air just washes over you and it makes the class so much easier! (*Note to self: get to class early and sit near the door for the rest of your challenge) The poses went well, but being sore made the classes much harder. Awkward pose(the one where you do a squat) was sooooo damn hard today; I though I was going to pass out! My legs were shaking and screaming in pain, but again, in a good way. Sitting back on my feet during the floor series felt really good on my shins though so that was something to be grateful for. Update on the challenge: today was my 20th session! Only 15 more to go and I’m DONE!

I cannot wait to be done with yoga. As much as I love it, this 4 days a week nonsense is starting to take its toll on me. It’s not so much that I’m tired, it’s just that I go through so many damn workout clothes. I’m tired of my room smelling like the Bikram locker room. Scaling back to 2-3 days a week will be much more manageable, especially when I throw in 3 days of running and 1-2 days of cycling. Maybe. We’ll see how sore I am.

After yoga I got to go home, take a shower, eat some leftover cocido made by my aunt (which pretty much means it was delicious) and take a lovely 2 hour nap on the couch. It was seriously the best way to spend my afternoon and I don’t regret a thing!

I’ll be heading back to yoga tomorrow, then doing another walk/run on Thursday. I kinda want to take Thursday off from yoga but my schedule this weekend is pretty busy (working all day Friday, walking precincts Saturday afternoon and watching the World Series [GO GIANTS!] in the evenings). Now that I think about it, I should probably go on Thursday. Chances are good that I’ll be sore enough to warrant some good stretching.

I feel like this post was more of a sleep-deprived rant. For that I truly apologize.

Namaste.

No Mistakes.

Running Against the Wind

In case you weren’t aware, I enjoy using song lyrics in my blog posts. Today, I finally got to quote some Bob Seger!

This morning marked the official start of my new running training program, and what a start it was! Keep in mind I’m no runner. Never have been. I’m a yogi/cyclist. Why cycling? Well, because you get to sit down when you do it. Running has never been particularly enjoyable for me. It brings to mind visions of me in my youth running around a track, running up and down a soccer field, or running around the bases in softball, all while sucking wind, panting with exhaustion and lamenting the pain in my heels and arches (yes, my arch pain is something I’ve dealt with for years). So you can imagine my hesitation when I was deciding whether or not to embark on running as an activity.

But for a non-runner, running is kind of the center of my life. I’ve mentioned before, my dad is a runner and it was his running adventures that consumed my life (and that of my family) for the past 22 years or so. I can remember being 5 years old, riding my pink bike with training wheels through Woodward Park while my dad ran next to me. He pushed me up more hills than I care to remember. Since those early years I’ve attended enough races, marathons, half-marathons, and training sessions to know the basics of running. The runners he’s met over the years have become like family members and we’ve endured countless ups and downs over the years. And I’ve learned a lot from these folks: training techniques, pacing strategies, healthful eating tips, ways to avoid injuries and ways to deal with injuries incurred. For a non-runner, I’m pretty savvy when it comes to running.

So today I started my training. It was a short work-out, only 20 minutes. We drove to Woodward Park, took our dog, Beau, and walked into the park. We started with a brisk 5 minute walk, during which I reminded my dad that I was the one setting the pace, not him (runners have a tendency to fall into old habits/paces). After the warm-up period we started our intervals. We alternated 20 seconds of jogging with 40 seconds of running. Like I said, slow and easy: a perfect way to start out. I felt pretty good for most of the work-out, though I was out of breath for most of it. What can I say? Yoga isn’t good for cardio. We only worked out for about 20 minutes but managed to cover about 2 miles.

As far as aches and pains go (Complaining about aches and pains already? I’m well on my way to becoming a runner. Show me a runner who doesn’t complain about his pains, and I’ll show you 50 that do.) My shins were a little sore during the walking and running, and my Achilles Tendon was a bit sore. My quads were aching during the run and they’re pretty sore right now, which is comical. Happily enough though my arches didn’t hurt one bit, and I chalk that up to my new running shoes and specially designed inserts. Yes, I made a trip to Fleet Feet in Sacramento and made the steep investment in a good pair of Brooks shoes and some good orthopedic inserts. I got my feetsies measured and was properly fitted to the right shoe. What a difference it makes! Unlike yoga, I didn’t even notice my arches until the end of the work-out when I realized they hadn’t hurt once.

Overall I’d say Day 1 was a success. The weather was cool and I had a good, knowledgeable coach to guide me through the process. I’m not gonna lie though, I didn’t want to get out of bed. My dad’s house has no blankies and I slept with the window open and a sweatshirt on such that I was nice and warm and cozy. Luckily though my dad pried my ass out of bed and made me get out to the park. If this is a small glimpse of what running in the winter is like, then I smell trouble already. I’m an avid sleeper and and even more avid snuggler, especially when I’m warm and cozy in my bed.

My next training day is Tuesday, and I’m scheduled to do the same work-out again, hopefully this time with Tish. Also, it’s supposed to rain on Tuesday so I’ll get to run in the rain (which is pretty much my favorite). Here’s to hoping for a rain induced runners high!

The End. (Because I can’t say Namaste and haven’t thought of a running equivalent).

The Sounds of Silence

Everything about yoga was completely different today and it was just lovely!

First off, I practiced in Fresno today at Blue Moon Yoga: the place where it all started. It’s supposed to rain in Sacramento next week, and me, being the genius that I am, failed to bring all my winter clothes to Sacramento during one of my many trips home over the past few weeks. So I came home this weekend, brought my yoga mat just in case, and am in the process of gathering scarves, coats, rain boots, and umbrellas.

Secondly, my dad went to yoga with me today! I can’t believe he actually went; it was pretty much the greatest thing ever. I’ve mentioned before that it was my dad who first took me to yoga (at that very studio) two years ago. He and a couple of his runner buddies had discovered the activity (one of whom remains an avid yogi- she’s pretty rad). So he convinced me to do a 10 day challenge two summers ago. I made it for about 7 days and quit. My dad also hasn’t been back since and that’s mainly because he’s a runner. He does marathons, relays, half-marathons, cycling events, and he’s even started dabbling in race directing by hosting his very first half-marathon about 3 weeks ago, The Wascally Wabbit Half-Mawothon (which was a huge success for it’s inaugural event!). I’m sure many of you know that runners are notoriously stiff; my father is no exception. His hips are tight and he can’t spread his legs more than about 18 inches, he can’t really reach down to touch his toes and he can’t sit on his knees and feet. So practicing with my dad was a fun experience because he finally got to see what I’ve been working on for the past month. He called me a show off when I did fixed firm pose (and let’s be real, I was showing off).

Thirdly, today’s class was silent. I’ve never done a silent Bikram class and I’ve got mixed emotions about it. Basically the teacher is in the class doing the poses with you (another thing I’m not used to) but they don’t say the dialogue throughout the postures. You do all the poses in silence and the only thing the teacher does is tell you when to change positions and when to switch to the resting state. I enjoyed the fact that I didn’t have to listen to the teacher ramble on with the same phrases: “push, and push, and push”, “go back, way back, far back, fall back”, “work the legs, get that synobial fluid moving,” etc. I feel like we were in the poses for longer periods of time though. To be honest, we were probably just in the poses for the real amount of time. During yoga in Sacramento we tend to spend less time in the postures because the teachers spend a lot of time talking about the postures, or they don’t quite have the timing right because we start late so we have to rush through a couple of the poses. Surprisingly though the poses went really fast. The entire session lasted 45 minutes, which actually pissed me off. I paid for 90 minutes, I expected to get 90 minutes of an intense Bikram session. Instead I got 45 minutes of quick poses. Don’t get me wrong, I still sweated and I still worked my ass off, but I was used to working harder; I suppose it was a nice vacation. And hey, I still earned my sticker on my 60 day challenge sheet in Sacramento. One good thing about the 45 minute silent session is that you don’t need as much water as you normally do, and that’s nice because I normally have to pee like a pregnant woman after class.

Like I said, today was odd but in a great way. I got to practice in a new environment and in a new way and with my dad. And even though I did a bit better than he did, I know he’s going to kick my ass tomorrow in our walk/run. Like I said, he’s a pretty avid runner. Did I mention that he ran 13 miles this morning before our yoga session? He’s kind of a bad ass. Then again, his back bend (or lack thereof) can’t hold a candle to mine.

No Mistakes!

Yoga on Empty

So I learned another valuable lesson in yoga today: never practice on a completely empty stomach. They tell you never to practice on a full stomach, which makes sense. They also tell you not to practice on a completely empty stomach, or with an un-hydrated body. Well today I had no choice.

I wanted to practice at 12:00 today because the Giants and Cardinals are playing at 5. Not wanting to miss the game, or participate in the mandatory donation class at 6:30, I knew 12:00 was my only option. Sadly though, I slept in today until 11:15. What can I say? Unemployment isn’t conducive to waking up early. I laid in bed and seriously considered not going to yoga. I was tired (and by that I mean I was overtired, I’d had 10 hours of sleep), and I had to pee. But I knew that I wouldn’t be able to practice Saturday and I needed to get my 4 days in this week. So I dragged my ass out of bed and headed to class.

I did pretty well in the first half of the series, and have been kicking my leg out in the standing head to knee pose. I’ve even been going half way down in toe pose.

But then I lost all my energy in floor series. I literally had no energy and the only effort I could muster was purely mental. The whole second half of the series, all I could think was how badly I wanted an apple or a banana, something to give me a little boost of energy. But all I had was water. And actually, I almost ran out of water today. I’d frozen more of my water than usual, which hadn’t been a problem in the past. But the room was significantly less hot today, and I finally realized that this was because there were less people in the room. There were about 20 of us total, and we weren’t packed in like sardines, so the room wasn’t melting the ice in my bottle like it was supposed to.

I almost got up and got more water, but I REFUSE to leave the room unless I have to throw up. So I sucked it up, refused to drink water to savor what little water I had left, and managed the last 20 minutes of class (easily the hottest part of the class) without a drink of water.

Overall I was slightly disappointed with my performance today, mainly because I’ve come to expect more from myself now that I’ve proven how well I can do the postures. I keep comforting myself with the fact that I’m just showing up and I should be proud of just that, but at some point just showing up isn’t enough.

Namaste.

Don’t Procrastinate on Writing Your Blog…

Because you forget what you want to say. Sometimes there isn’t really anything to say.

I did yoga today. I did the 12:00 session. It was nice. The room was empty. The room was hot. The instructor was Ashley. She was a good instructor. I took a nap afterwards.

I’m running out of things to say about yoga.

The end.

No Mistakes.

Mental Toughness

Short post today, mainly because I practiced 6 hours ago and don’t really remember what I wanted to say about the session. The main thing I recall about the session though is that it was incredibly tough.

First off, I did the 4:30 session, mainly because unemployment has left me with an incredibly flexible schedule. And the 4:30 session was surprisingly crowded. I didn’t recognize anyone in the session though, which I suppose is the downside of practicing at a time other than your normal time. The instructor was Elizabeth, who I’m not incredibly fond of, but don’t really mind. She’s a good instructor, but she opens the door less than any other instructor and she moves quickly through the series such that we have maybe 3-5 seconds between the first and second set of the poses. I’m used to 7-10 seconds and it makes all the difference with my arches. And on that note, my arches were horrible today. Both of them were screaming in pain, until I sat down in one of the poses and spent some time massaging them. After that they didn’t hurt at all, which I suppose was nice. Luckily though, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning and plan on getting these damn feet looked at. Here’s to hoping nothing is torn.

I kicked out in standing head to knee pose today, which was my biggest accomplishment of the class. I’ve seen marked improvement in that pose which is excellent because after a crappy session it’s nice to have something to point to and say “at least I can do that.”

But like I said before, today’s session was just plain hard. And it wasn’t that it was the heat, because it wasn’t really that hot in the room, and it wasn’t that my arches hurt, because my arches have always hurt and they actually felt better after some TLC. Today was tough mentally. I had a really hard time focusing on yoga today because I had so many things on my mind. My job, looking for another job, the potential for another job in January, the possibility of having to move back to Fresno in January if the job situations don’t pan out, managing to pay for expenses and bills between now and when I manage to find another job, deciding whether or not the things I’ve deemed necessary purchases are really necessary, and the fact that the weather is hot again. Seriously, 90s in October? Ridiculous. I pretty much lost all my energy as soon as we laid in Savasana. I could barely hold the floor poses and I found myself not even trying in some of the others. It took all the energy I had not to sit out every single pose. Today was the first day in a long time that I seriously considered leaving the room. I couldn’t complete a lot of the poses I’d previously been able to complete. I almost ran out of water. I smelled despite the deodorant I’d purposefully put on.

Today was mentally exhausting. I’ve heard stories about people having breakdowns in class and just start crying; that was almost me today. I almost started crying 3 times and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s the unemployment thing, maybe it was because I was delirious from the heat and Elizabeth’s not opening the door at exacerbated it (I had tiny heat rash bumps on my cheeks when I left today), or maybe things with my lady plumbing are all screwed up. Who the hell knows. What I do know though is that today was the hardest class I’ve ever had to endure, mainly because it wasn’t my body that was holding me back in poses. I knew that I was physically capable of doing each of the poses because I’d done them before. Today was difficult because my mind was working against me and not letting me focus on yoga.

I did however manage to finish the class, and that’s the biggest accomplishment for me because it would have been so easy to throw in the towel and walk right out of the studio and go home. But I would have felt like shit afterwards knowing that I’d skipped out early. Instead, I channeled what mental energy and focus I had into completing the series, finished the class, drove home, showered, had a tasty, crunchy apple, and watched the Giants spank the Cardinals in the second game of the National League Championship Series. And I enjoyed my evening activities all because I knew I had given as much effort as I could today. And that’s really all you can do on days like today.

No Mistakes.
Namaste.

Earning Your Progress

So last night was another session with Elle, who managed to remember my name without asking me first (Ya, I’m a regular- they know me now). It was a good session overall but definitely a challenge, but it was a challenge that I really appreciated. The past few weeks have been easier for me than when I first started (And rightfully so. If it didn’t get easier, I probably would have quit after a few days), but last night I really had to work for my results.

First off, I started the class and as soon as I started the Pranayama breathing all I could smell was the B.O. from the guy in front of me. Seriously, it was rank. It smelled like the guy hadn’t showered in days. Every breathe I inhaled was god awful. Then, when we were doing the forward bending part of the half moon pose, I realized it wasn’t the guy in front of me. It was me. Dear god, I didn’t think I was capable of smelling that bad. I mean, I wore deodorant yesterday and I haven’t had any garlic or onions in a while. I’d like to take this moment right now to issue a sincere apology to everyone who sat next to me yesterday. Next time, TELL ME!

I did well in the back bends and my half moon pose is looking mighty fine. My awkward pose is always looking better and It’s becoming easier, but it’s still pretty hard. I couldn’t kick out in standing head to knee pose, but that’s okay, I’m still a ways away from successfully completing that one. I did well in standing bow pose but sucked in the toe stand. In fact I’ve never been able to do the toe stand because it requires completion of tree pose, which I can’t do too well. Also, I fell out of triangle pose a few times, mainly because my arches sucked so bad. I actually sat down during the first set of one of the postures to give my arches a little massage, which actually helped a lot. My arches didn’t hurt at all during the last few standing poses. Perhaps I need to give my arches more massages and TLC between classes.

Another reason that class was difficult last night was because I ate an avocado at 5:30, a solid hour before class began. I had lunch around 1:00 and my tummy was getting mighty hungry around 5:30. Not wanting to be completely devoid of energy during class, I chose a ripe avocado to munch on. Horrible, horrible idea. Every single sit up made me feel like I was going to puke my guts out. I couldn’t even do the second set of rabbit pose because I thought I might hurl all over my knees. So I took it easy and laid in Savasana while everyone else finished the pose.

I also found it really hard to maintain my energy and momentum during the spine strengthening part of the floor series. For some reason I just lost my enthusiasm and the rest of the class was significantly harder than the first half. I’m pretty sure the term for this is “hitting the wall,” and that’s exactly what it felt like.

Overall  though I’d consider last night’s class a success primarily because it wasn’t easy. I had to work through my arch issues, I had to listen to my body and know when and when not to do a pose for fear of covering the class in avocado colored vomit, and I had learn how to get over the wall after I’d smacked right into it.

One thing about yoga that I’ve learned and am still adjusting to is how deeply your practice is affected by those around you. It’s incredibly difficult to stay in a pose when the person in front of you falls out of it, and it’s harder to stay in the pose when the person next to you falls out and looks like they’re about to crash into you. I’ve lost my concentration and balance more times than I care to admit because of the people around me. And while this really sucks, it’s also really nice to have people around you because they’re really good about bringing you up when you’re struggling. It’s like a yogi sixth sense or something. I’d been making small talk with the middle-aged woman next to me before class began and we discussed our practice, how long we’d been coming to Sacramento Bikram Yoga and whether or not we were doing the challenge. We also chit-chatted with the newbie in the row behind us (Ya, I’ve permanently moved to the second row) and offered her advice. Later, in airplane pose (That’s what I’m calling it because I can’t remember it’s real name. But it’s the one where you’re on your stomach and stretch your arms out like an airplane), it was pretty evident that I was struggling. So when we reached out our arms, Elle told us not to worry if we hit our neighbors hands, and that we can just help each other out. And then all of a sudden, the woman next to me tickled my fingers with hers and gave me a reassuring pat on the hand. And that was really nice because it was exactly what I needed to make it through the floor series; just a tiny little bit of encouragement.

What I love most about Bikram yoga is the network of support that rises up and the helpful nature of all the practitioners. Teachers helping students, students helping each other, students helping themselves, and those with experience helping newbies. It’s a great atmosphere to be a part of and the friendly nature of sweaty yogis is half the appeal of yoga. The other half is the smell.

Namaste!

 

Karma, Thou Art a Heartless Bitch

Be careful what you wish for folks, seriously. Yesterday I said I needed a crappy session or two to knock my big head down a few pegs, and karma, ever-willing to provide me with life-lessons, happily delivered.

Today was crap and I’m not sure why. I suppose it was a combination of things. I had a crappy lunch around 1:00 (a sandwich, chips and a soda…I didn’t have time to pack a lunch last night), I practiced at 4:30 instead of 6:30, my arches hurt worse than ever, and I just wasn’t feeling it today. I was incredibly hot, chugged water (though I managed to refrain from wiping my face) and I couldn’t make it in a lot of the poses. I did manage once again to kick out in head to knee pose, though I couldn’t hold it for too long. Still, that’s progress and I’m pretty damn proud. I rocked fixed firm pose and I did really well in camel. But literally every single pose gave me trouble. Even the floor series was difficult for me today.

Again, I’m not sure if it’s a combination of the aforementioned things, but a part of me thinks it was my attitude today. I felt fabulous before and after class during the past few classes, but today I just wasn’t feeling it. In fact, I almost fell asleep in Savasana before class started, and I was actually a little irritated when Jeremy came in and started class. And for some reason I knew today was going to be a wash. And it was. I tried, I really did. It was incredible mental challenge today because it took all the mental strength I had to really give it my all in the poses. I haven’t had to push this hard in a long time.

And so it goes with Bikram, and challenges in particular. They’re a roller coaster, and right now I’m chugging up the hill and having to put a hell of a lot more effort in than I did when I was coasting down the descent.

Namaste.

A Lesson in Humility

So I wanted to write today about about that ever-elusive virtue of humility. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you that I struggle with being humble. And by struggle I mean I literally have no humility. When I do something awesome, I brag about it, and when I accomplish something I make sure to let everyone know. Don’t ask me why I’m like this, I feel like it’d take years of therapy to figure that shit out. Maybe my parents didn’t hug me enough as a kid, maybe they hugged me too much. Who knows. What I do know though is that today my father served me a big steaming pile of humility.

Today was an excellent session, probably my best one yet (I feel like I say this after every session!). But I really do feel like today was the best session so far because I was FINALLY able to kick out during standing head to knee pose! Seriously folks, this is a huge freaking deal for me since we all know that two weeks ago I could barely touch my foot with both hands during that pose. Then I slowly progressed and was able to grab the bottom of my foot (as I’ve joyfully reported during the last two posts), and today I was finally confident enough to lift that leg as I stood on my locked standing leg. True, I couldn’t hold the pose for long and my arches burned like fiery hell, but I was so proud of myself for having come so far in just a few short weeks (I of course use the term “short” loosely- these have been the hardest weeks of my life, physically speaking). I also did really well in the floor series today. I was able to go right into fixed pose (the one where you bend all the way back and put your arms above your head while you’re on the ground). The instructor, Elle (who is quickly becoming my favorite instructor), even told me that my fixed pose was excellent. And then I hit the money pose: camel. It’s no secret that camel is a love/hate pose; you either love it with all your heart or hate it with a fiery passion. I love it, obviously. So I went right into my camel pose in the first set and pushed so hard that I could see the mat behind me. Then in my second set I pushed even harder and could almost see the tips of my toes. And that’s when Elle yelled out to me “Kelsy, you have a beautiful spine!’ And that pretty much put me on cloud nine. So much so that the rest of the evening seemed like a breeze.

I left yoga feeling fantastic. I was on the highest of highs and felt amazing as I flew down the freeway, blasting Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” (the ultimate workout song). I was so ecstatic that when I got home I texted my dad and told him what Elle had said and that I was a beast!

His response? Somewhat less enthusiastic than I’d hoped.

He said that the comments meant that I had a lot to be grateful for because I’d improved dramatically and that I should accept the compliment without being cocky. He also advised me that a yoga high can be accomplished with a cautious pride in my efforts and results without crossing that fine line between humble pride and pure arrogance. He then told me that I ran the risk of becoming like a certain runner that we both know whose arrogance we both find annoying at times. And that pretty much snapped me out of my temporary asshole-ness. I realized that I didn’t want to be compared to this woman because I can’t stand when she’s an arrogant bastard (and who likes an Arrogant Bastard? It’s a disgusting beer, if you ask me).

So while I was disappointed that my dad wasn’t as ecstatic as I was about the compliment I’d received, I can understand his hesitation to congratulate me. And he’s right not to have done so. Tonight I forgot the most important rule of Bikram: that it’s a constant struggle. No one is ever perfect and there is always room for improvement. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a slight sense of superiority over the newbies in the class who struggle with just staying in the room. But then I’m forced to remember that I was new once too, and staying in the room then, and even now, is a struggle. Most of the poses are still incredibly difficult for me, and I struggle to complete a good majority of them. My father was right in telling me to accept the compliment from Elle without becoming arrogant, because I have nothing to be arrogant about.

The purpose of Bikram is to reach an inner peace through a cleansing of the body, mind and spirit. It is not about competition, nor is it about reaching perfection; it is a constant battle that forces you to be the best you can be every single day. The fact that I’ve watched instructors participate in classes and then fall out of poses is a testament to that. These people are considered experts, and yet they struggle. And they never brag about the fact that they can complete a posture, or that they did a double session. And I think that’s an important lesson to learn. It’s certainly a lesson that I still struggle with.

I’ve had a streak of excellent classes lately (which is probably the root of my cockiness. I need a shitty session to knock me down a few pegs) and I hope I can maintain the sense of accomplishment I’ve felt lately. But I also hope that I can maintain this accomplishment without forgetting that yoga is a constant struggle that requires 100% each and every time. If the poses become too easy then I must be doing something wrong, because Bikram is never easy.

Namaste.