As alluded to in my last post, I’ve spent the last couple weeks really concentrating on what I want to get out of 2016 and what areas of my life I want to improve on. And during my introspection I continuously stumbled upon two words: Balance and Happiness. These two words really resonate with me so it’s no surprise that they’re at the heart of what I want to focus on this year.
First off, full disclosure: I’m writing this post at 7:40 pm on New Years Eve and I’ve had 2 glasses of wine (that’s maybe not a lot for some of you, but I haven’t eaten a lot of carbs in the last few days so I’m feeling pretty good right now. Hey, if Hemingway can do it, why can’t I?). My roommates and friends were here a while ago, hanging out and drinking and preparing for the festivities. I’ll join up with them later but I wanted to continue my tradition of taking New Years Eve and spending it with myself doing something I enjoy. Last year it was movies and popcorn alone on my couch until it struck midnight, at which point I decided to do an impromptu “Let it Go” ballet performance in my kitchen. My friends weren’t happy that I chose not to go out to party with them that night, but I’ve gotten pretty good at saying no when I just don’t want to do something.
Tonight I chose to cook a delicious meal for myself and splurge on a good bottle of wine. New York steak, Gorgonzola cheese sauce, wild mushrooms sauteed in caramelized onions and garlic, and asparagus cooked in — wait for it — olive oil AND butter. And a delicious bottle of Cab Sauv straight from the Napa Valley. Friends are gone, a delicious meal made entirely by yours truly, a tasty bottle of wine that I don’t have to share, and Van Morrison playing on iTunes; I can say without a doubt: I am extremely happy on this New Years Eve.
I’m describing my New Years Eve to you because it applies to the notion of Happiness that I want to focus on this year. When I first started this blog it was for a class project in which I actively tried to recognize the moments I felt happy each week and record them on my blog in order to understand that happiness occurs every day, and is not just a destination to be reached. I didn’t know it back then, but what I was doing was practicing mindfulness. And so I want to spend this year focusing on mindfulness and living in the present. It’s easy for me to focus on the past or the future. I’m a worrier, I’m a lingerer; I ruminate on the past and look anxiously towards the future. But understanding that happiness won’t be achieved on some arbitrary future date, but is happening right now all around me, is an important thing for me to remember. I haven’t yet figured out how I’m going to carry out this mindfulness, whether it’s a gratitude journal, or just being more active on this blog, but I’m certain that it will be a part of my focus in 2016.
The next concept I intend to focus on in 2016 is Balance. Balance is hard, we all know this. While I was driving back to Sacramento from my Christmas festivities in Fresno, the perfect metaphor hit me (though I don’t know if it counts as a metaphor- it’s pretty literal). I thought about the pain I feel while standing in a balancing pose in yoga. My feet ache, my brow drips with sweat, my muscles scream as I push them to their limit. And the more I focus and push myself, the more I’m able to balance. The second my mind wanders, I falter and eat shit on my mat. And this is balance applied to everyday life.
I think about the things in my life I want to bring greater balance to- diet, exercise, social interaction, work ethic, finances, etc. Some days I’m incredibly strict with myself and eat healthy, get a solid workout in, spend time with friends, accomplish a lot at work, and spend little to no money on necessities and not wants. Other days I “make it rain,” as the kids say. I’m basically Oprah Winfrey during the holiday season- “You get a car! And YOU get a car! EVERYONE GETS A CAR!” I spend recklessly, eat like shit, drink a lot of alcohol, spend too much time around other people (without giving myself the solitude I need), and slack at work. Which of course leads to the self-loathing one always feels after indulging more than they should.
And so this year I intend to remain aware of balance and the role it plays in my life. I am on a strict budget this year (because of 2015’s indulgences), I am on a very specific diet (because of indulgences for the last 15 years), and I’m not yet on a strict workout regimen, but intend to incorporate more movement into my life (and not just yoga [again, because of the last 15 years’ worth of indulgences]). Will my metaphorical arches hurt, and will my brow drip with sweat when I force myself to adhere to goals I’ve set for myself? Sure they will. Will I fall out of balance when things become too difficult? Of course I will- I’m human. Will I take a swig of water, wipe my brow and join the rest of the class for the last 5 seconds of the pose, even though I’m hurting and want to give up? Absolutely.
It’s going to be hard, but then again, I’m pretty tough. 2016 doesn’t know what’s coming for it!
Actually, it does- it’s called a hangover.
Happy New Year!
Namaste.
No Mistakes.